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..is about as difficult as trying to conceive a blog title!

I’ve been wanting to start this blog for the last 6 months or so, but how to begin when there is so much back story.

Do I just launch right into the sadness and despair I was feeling back in March, April and May, the dark months immediately after losing our second baby to miscarriage at 12 weeks & the time following when I didn’t know why it kept happening, couldn’t face the days and so spent much of it sleeping or reading other blogs of TTC struggles.

Do I start in April or May when things might have started to improve through the continued love and support from my sweet wife. But instead they were some of the hardest months as I had to get through our first baby’s due date, my 35th birthday, Mothers Day, the birth of my best friends child and the birth of my first niece (the first grandchild originally due 2 weeks after ours), all within a 3 week period?

Maybe I’m better to start in June when our fantastic naturopath had just received the blood test results back. She confirmed I did have a possible reason for losing our precious babies, and reassured us that she could help.

I could start by documenting the months since of detox & major dietary changes & multiple supplement taking and disgusting herbal remedy imbibing.

Or I could just fast forward and jump into the picture today, with the happy news that our donor (my dear wife’s brother) has had his visa approved to stay till February, so he’s here and we are ready and my ticker reads two weeks till we start trying again!!

It’s been a journey alright.

I think I’ll attempt to work out how to add some separate pages so you can go back and read the journey first if you want to. I’ll try and write up the past as a few essays and the brave & curious can read them.

Then we can move forward together on the current journey. I hope some readers will keep me company. I’m not scared yet, but I expect to have some days when I’m feeling like reassurance and company!

I hope for a sense of community, as I don’t know any others going through the same thing as us, and we don’t have any other lesbian friends who are TTC.

I hope that sharing my story helps others who experience miscarriage.

I hope that this becomes a journal where we document our happiness and joyousness when we finally bring home our own live baby.

I hope I remember to blog!

Nau mai, Haere mai, haere mai, haere mai. You are welcome here.