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Not much news to update except that we have only 5 sleeps till we can test. With my two other pregnancies we have had a faint, (but as they say any line is a line!), BFPs at 11dpo ( I usually have a 26-27 day cycle). My Fertility Friend app (which I use to chart) marked my ovulation as day 15, although I feel it was day 13. I’m going to (try and) be sensible and test on Saturday morning which is 11dpo according to FF.

When do you test? Are you patient or do you use a stack of tests way in advance just in case? Or are you of the rare breed that waits to see if you get your period?

Also – if you are doing home insemination, how much faith do you put in OPK’s and charting apps? I decided this time round to mainly go with my intuition as my primary sign. Sure I checked fertile mucus and cervical position and my temps, but I decided we should inseminate up to day 13 and then stop. Even though my chart was not yet showing that I had ovulated when we stopped doing the insems. I just instinctively felt that was right. That said, this time around on day 13 after we’d decided not to try again this cycle, I looked at FF online and it showed some extra information. It was predicting that my most fertile days were 10-12 and that I would ovulate on day 13-15. That all seemed spot on to me. My body seems to be most fertile days 10-12 then it just shuts up shop, even if I didn’t ovulate till day 15 like my chart is showing, I didn’t ‘feel fertile’ and I guess if the cervix has closed and the mucus isn’t flowin’ then any sperm introduced after day 12 ain’t going anywhere. I suppose the proof will be in the pudding so to speak. I’ll know if my timing was good in just 5 more sleeps!!

I figure if I do get hapu (pregnant), then it’s likely to be a girl, since the girlies usually come from ‘old’ sperm. I see it like this…

The boy sperms are like over zealous puppies, they race off up through the cervix, do some sprints round the uterus, pushing and jostling each other then zooming up the closest fallopian tube, all the while jive talking about how they are gonna be the one to ‘tap that thang’. So if you inseminate close to, or at the time of, ovulation a boy sperm invariably gets there first, fertilises the waiting egg and whammo it’s a boy baby.

Whereas the girl sperms like to take their time. They arrive at the cervix. No-one wants to be first at the party, so there’s a bit of “oh no Susie, you go first” going on. Eventually they all enter the uterus. The lighting is low, there’s lots of lovely pink cushiony lining to lounge around on, a little mood music is on low in the background allowing for intelligent and witty conversation, it’s warm, food and drink is served. “An Earl Gray tea perhaps Ma’am, or would you prefer a Cosmopolitan?” After a number of hours, perhaps 10 or so, some fall asleep (largely due to too many cosmo’s – and we don’t want the sperm that chose those really anyway as cosmo’s are rather passe), some decide they just couldn’t go any further due to bunions or a broken ankle strap. Some, refreshed by their green tea with jasmine or their spirulina rice milk smoothie, decide it’s time to venture on. Unfortunately if ovulation has already happened they are too late and their journey is wasted, however if not…they may be just in time…(tbc)

Back to the boy sperms: Whilst the girls have chillaxed down in the uterus lounge, the boys have all done their dash. If there has been no arrival of the much desired egg after 10 or so hours of racing around like puppies on a clue, the boys have crashed and burned, exhausted. They are officially out of the race.

Meanwhile, the ambitious girl eggs steadfastly climb the fallopian tubes, using their finely honed feminine instinct to get the timing, and the choice of the correct tube, just right. At around the same time the perfectly prepared egg sails down the fallopian tube – into the arms of a lovely nubile girl sperm – ready and waiting to have her wicked way with the luscious egg. And – dadah – a girl baby.

Well, that’s how I imagine it anyway.


(PS – I trawled google for an image to illustrate this post but the options for ‘girl sperm drinking tea’ didn’t really come up with anything that I thought suitable.)