So I haven’t updated as I’ve been too broken-arse.

Yesterday was hard after a morning temp drop and lots of tears as I expected the worse, but as the day progressed I had not a schmear of colour, not the teensiest drop of blood. Breasts still felt tender, I fought it but had to admit I was still tired. We got our hopes up again. Maybe it as possible to come back from that temp drop. Perhaps my ovulation dates were out & the temp drop was an implantation dip?

We had planned to go to the doctor and get a TSH bloodtest, and since I would be at day 13, get a HCG test as well. But we decided to give it a miss as I was just too stressed to feel up to facing my needle phobia as well.

Instead I put on my ‘very-prettiest-absolutely-not-period-knickers’ knickers and Toku went out shopping and for coffee (I stuck to decaf of course).

My best friend texted me, ‘your poor fanny, you must be OCD wiping it like crazy’. She was right. All day long I was inspecting the toilet paper and nada, nothing!

So by the end of a stressful day we went to bed thinking maybe my temp would rise and all would be possible again.

Sadly that was just wishful thinking. I woke at 5.30am to a temp reading that had plummeted well below the coverline. Bleeding started suddenly at around 1pm.

We are so bitterly disappointed this time as I had such high hopes after the Lipoidol treatment and due to my triphasic chart and temps that looked so consistent and high.

I think also that the thought of spending Christmas not pregnant is such a major thing for me. Our Christmas Day resolves around our family. Last year was awful enough having miscarried our first baby in late October, not yet pregnant again, and looking at the big 20 week pregnant belly of my Sister-in-law (Putiputi), who had conceived 2 weeks after me.

I fear this year will be even harder yet.