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This message of hope is for the woman who found my blog today by searching online using the words: ‘mother of ftm grief‘.

My heart goes out to you.

I hope you search again later and find this post.

I’m assuming you landed on my post Chrooster and Young Patch where I talk lightheartedly about our transitioning hen. (From hen to rooster.) I now wonder what I said exactly in relation to FTM and worry that I was too flippant.

I know it wont have given you the answers or comfort you sought, but perhaps it gave you a reminder of another small part of the puzzle. That of two people in love, navigating life’s twists and turns, with our family alongside us.

Of course I have no idea if your child was lesbian first, then decided to transition. Maybe you were okay with the lesbian part but this next thing is too hard for you to accept without grief.

One thing that comes to mind is that although they may be transitioning away from being your daughter, they will always, always be your child. Unless you choose for them not to be.

Grieving for the loss of a daughter is understandable. However you have not lost your child. There is the possibility that offering your support may result in an even closer bond with them than you ever experienced before.

I hope you don’t read this post and think I am being judgmental and assuming things wrongly about the way you might be feeling. I admit that I definitely am making a lot of assumptions on how I believe you might be feeling. I’ve imagined a whole scenario based on those four little words that tugged at my heart today.

To some extent it’s because I wonder how my parents would have coped if I had not just been gay, but then decided that additionally, I needed to outwardly change my gender too. I wonder also how I would feel in the future if my child decided that was something they needed to do.

I have no answers for you, I personally know little about the world of FTM. But I do send you hope that you can find a community online that can help you through this. Perhaps anyone with experience in this topic can leave a comment below.

I hope that you are able to stand by your child and help them to find their way through.

At the core, we are all just souls, seeking peace and needing love to carry us forward.

So, to the mother grieving for her FTM child, I send you both peace and love.

Kia kaha, Kia manawanui.
May you have strength, may you have a large heart.