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This is a very good TWW.

I have been flat out with trying to sort out Manaaki’s visa so he can stay for longer and also organizing most of the sponsorship for the local school carnival. Normally I have not much else on my mind apart from the state of my puku (stomach). So it’s been a big help to already be 6 days into the TWW and yet I’ve no time to dwell on it at all. Plus I’ll be busy with the carnival preparations for the next 5 days. Which will get us to day 12po…a day we can test most likely.

Oh and I have a cold and am on progesterone, so can’t tell if I’m tired and have higher temps and sore breasts because of them or for another reason. Which all leads to more letting go of wondering about it. A blessed relief indeed.

So why am I so involved with the local school? A few reasons: it’s just down the road, I like volunteering, they only have around 55 students (aged 5-12 years old) & not much funding, I’m not working so am a bit lonely and bored, they really appreciate the help, our children will eventually go there, and most importantly – about 2 months ago my god daughter Anahera started there.

The reason she started there is because around 4 months ago she came to live with our family essentially full-time. Not Toku and I exactly, but with my parents who live a literal stones throw from our house. It’s a long story and I’ve been tossing up all the way through whether to write about it or not. I’m going to give an overview rather than the full run down as it’s just too complicated and a bit distressing, and it’s totally ongoing, so much so that I could write a whole blog just on it most probably.

It has been a huge thing for our family, and especially wee Anahera as she came here initially as her mum (one of my oldest friends) wasn’t sure if she could cope with parenting anymore. Things were very bad between them and Anahera was beginning to show serious emotional disturbances.

There were discussions of Toku and I adopting her, but with the stresses of TTC and the phenomenal amount of drama that we knew would be involved with taking her on, eventually the unanimous decision was made for my parents to take her. They have had foster children before and were best equipped to give her the stability she desperately needs. This was an intensely difficult and gut wrenching decision for me as I felt I was being selfish. But I am glad now as it looks like she won’t be staying longer than the end of the year. So we would have put ourselves through a lot of stress, and probably I would have blamed not conceiving thus far on it. The stress is not so much caused by sweet Anahera, although she came with some major emotional issues, but more with her mother constantly flip flopping on what she wants to do. Which in turn affects Anahera’s behaviour as well.

So that is the reason for my close involvement with the school. I’m also helping coach the Kapa Haka (Maori performing arts) group, in the hope that Anahera might join. She hasn’t so far lol, but that’s a really enjoyable activity for me too.

Having Anahera around is wonderful. She is the sweetest, most affectionate wee 5 year old girl and is fast turning from a citified princess to a real country girl, which we all love. She skips around the garden singing and whistling and catching bugs for the school frogs.

We’ve taught her to read and write and she’s super bright and constantly leaving us notes and writing stories.

She always sees us before and after school and runs in for her Anahera Sandwich whereby Toku and I stand hugging with her squished in the middle. We so love her, and it makes me ache so hard for our own wee girl or boy to love this much.

It’s very difficult for me to imagine how someone could have a child this lovely, and yet find it difficult to know how to love them. I do understand it’s my friends own messed up upbringing that has meant she has no idea how to parent, nor even a real desire (most of the time) to learn how to. But Toku and I often say that of any child we know, Anahera would surely make any woman maternal.

So there you go, an update on how this has been a nicely busy TWW has turned into a big insight into another part of our world that we’ve kept secret so far.

On a different note, I’ll just add that Manaaki is due to leave NZ in 6 days. We have sent in a partnership visa application based on the fact that he has fallen in love with another of my old friends, (a very different one!), so he wishes to remain here with her. This may result in a new longer visa being granted, and we truly hope so for their sake as well as ours…but with only 6 days remaining I am not feeling 100% hopeful. I am however feeling okay about it. I don’t really understand how I am not freaking the feck out, but I’m not. To which I say hallelujah!

To finish, here is a picture Miss Anahera drew for me recently. It is her and I (as princesses with rainbow crowns of course) drawing at our red kitchen table and with a curly haired Toku nearby. Just as we were situated at the time (sans crowns). Obviously the drawing of a happy child eh?

Below that is a picture she drew yesterday after 5 days away with her mother. It’s a rather different picture and shows us just why we want to keep her here with us all.