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So it’s the end of another Mother’s Day.

A surprisingly easier one than last year, in fact not a tear was shed all day.

My darling wife outdid herself yet again by buying me a great magazine subscription and addressing me in the accompanying sweet subscription message as her ‘Baby mama’, which made me mist up a bit as that’s what she called me when I was pregnant.

We had a poignant chat about how she felt about Mother’s Day as the other mother, and how she doesn’t feel like she had got to ‘mother status’ yet before I lost the babies. How that made her, and I, sad.

I saw the continuous status updates throughout the day on fb, with all the dedications to mothers and the instagrams of cute notes their kids had made them. (Including my friends’ 8 year old daughter whose breakfast menu to her mummies had a beverage option of Gin & Tonic. Very cute indeed!) I also saw another photographer friend, who recently did a photoshoot with Anahera and her mummy, had used that as her ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ image. Ironic indeed.

But you know what, overall the day wasn’t unbearable.

We both felt melancholy at times during the day. Not desperately sad, just a dull ache that something was missing.

So we smooched, we lay in each others arms in the sun on our bed and read, we had lunch with my folks and Anahera and her mum and laughed with them over Mother’s Day jokes on Facebook, or pretended to. I made some, melt in the mouth but accidentally crumbly, fudge and picked a miniature bouquet of weeds flowers to give to my Mum.

Then Toku and I shared a divine meal of roast potatoes, brocolli and the yummiest fish ever – cooked in tomato, white wine, caper & kalamata olive sauce. Mmmmmm. Sorry for the meal details which are probably deathly boring, but it was so delicious!

I feel peaceful and loved and it is very, very good.

And perhaps next year…

 

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