(“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.”― Rajneesh)
*Warning: a few raw emotions are let loose in this post and it includes me talking in detail about my miscarriages.
Well sorry Rajneesh, but I have to admit that I do not like this quote. I’ve seen it on fb a few times before and it makes me really sad. Seeing it posted again for Mother’s Day hasn’t really helped to endear it to me any further.
I think for some women, (obviously including me), carrying a child, and intensely caring for it while it is still in your womb can make you a mother too.
I felt a connection to my babies from the very beginning.
Their conceptions were incredibly mindful. I took care of my body in every possible way, for months and months pre-conception and even more so during pregnancy, to ensure my baby’s health and well being. I sensed when I had conceived them and knew that I would receive confirmation of my pregnancy on the days that we tested. I spoke to my child, I placed my hands over my uterus and told the baby my dreams and my hopes every night as I fell asleep and every morning when I woke.
I had contractions and felt my babies pass out of my body. I experienced intense physical pain when delivering them and in the days after. A fierce guttural cry of ‘My baby’ burst out of me when I spontaneously lost my first child and saw its body. Exactly the kind of agonised raw cry a mother makes upon seeing their dead child. I held my babies cradled in my hand. I shed tears over them and placed them into flower lined woven boxes and buried their little bodies. We prayed for them and for each other to get through this.
I have grieved for them physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I do understand that the change you experience when you birth a live baby must be profound. That a desire to protect them at all cost would flood over you and this would be both elemental and life changing. But I also believe that I have felt some of these feelings. That my desire to protect my baby when I feared I was going to miscarry was immense. That my love for our babies was intense and that my grief at seeing their bodies was shocking and indescribable.
I think some women become a mother at the moment they first see their newborn. I think for some women it happens way earlier than that.
Not everyone who miscarries would feel like this.
But I do.
Question for other miscarriage mamas out there. Do you feel like a mother even though you never had a live baby? What do you think of this quote?