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I am a bad blogger. I have seemingly, disappeared from the face of the blogosphere. I am still alive, as is Toku (phew!). It’s just that, well we are stuck in limboland. No movement towards a baby, no movement towards trying again to conceive. No news. Just treading water really. Babies that were conceived after we started trying again last year have been born, and still we are no closer. It’s hard. I spend as much time as possible not thinking about it, any of it.

We are not eligible for public funding. Turns out as lesbians we need to have made a minimum of 12 insemination attempts, of which 6 need to be through a clinic. Manaaki’s sperm wont thaw after freezing, so IUI through a clinic is not an option.

We could find another donor, but I want to try at least one more time with Manaaki. This means waiting till he is allowed back into back into New Zealand. He probably wont be able to come back before April 2014. This seems like a long way away. If he was granted a partnership visa with his girlfriend, then he may be able to return sooner, possibly. We are waiting on them to get their s**t sorted on that one, but she needs to get more support letters from friends and family. She had a baby in May, (not to Manaaki…from a previous brief relationship), so is rather tied up with that, and doesn’t have a computer that works or internet at present. She lives at the opposite end of the country to us. Complicated and convoluted and difficult. He has no money or work, so hardly ever gets to call her and has very intermittent email access to email her. This lack of regular ongoing communication wont help their case to Immigration. They do want to be together, but everything is just, well difficult.

So I haven’t been blogging. I haven’t been reading many blogs either. It’s hard to read about everyone’s lives moving on, and ours is pretty static.

Our wee ‘foster daughter’ Anahera went back to her mother last week. That brought our state of childlessness to the fore again. Her mother has made no changes, done no further counselling after the first few sessions. She does have a boyfriend, so feels all her problems are now sorted. We worry about Anahera, but there is nothing we can do except keep things okay with her mother and hope that if things go bad again, she will return her to us here. Her mother sent us all an email thanking us for ‘helping her out of a pickle’ and stating that now it was time for Anahera to return to her mother ‘where she belongs’. In my books, ‘helping someone out of a pickle’ is picking up their kids from school as they have to work late unexpectedly. 8 months of caring for and loving a troubled child as their mother can’t face it is rather more than that.

But I digress….what finally motivated me to actually write this post was not any of that, it was because Andy from The Gayby Project nominated me for an ill deserved Liebster Award. I think I am not very deserving of it at present, given how incredibly slack I have been. However, I will accept it, as then I am forced to post!

Andy, thank you for the award, and thank you for checking in with me from time to time…

So the Leibster…Here is the obligatory information…

This is a way for small bloggers to give recognition to other small bloggers. 200 followers or less. (I checked and am still under the 200 followers limit, so away we go…)

Here’s how it works:

Copy & Paste This Whole Post and Replace All Your Information — who awarded you, for example.

The rules:

1. Thank the Liebster Blog presenter who nominated you and link back to their blog.

2. Post 11 facts about yourself, answering the 11 questions you were asked and create 11 questions for your nominees.

3. Nominate 11 blogs who you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been chosen.

4. Display the Liebster Award logo.

5. No tag backs meaning you can’t just re nominate the person who nominated you.

As Solo the First put it “The real purpose behind these nominations are not only as an accolade from a fellow blogger and let’s face it, nothing gently strokes our little writer hearts more than someone telling you they appreciate your work. In addition to the back patting we need to receive from time to time, it also allows us to get a little more personal as we get to know our increasing blogging community. It also helps drive traffic to your site as we reference one another.”

11 Facts about me.

1. Two of my earliest memories probably say a lot about me. Memory one: I wanted my ears pierced when I was 2 years old. My Mother said ‘when you are big’, I answered, ‘when I am 3’, she agreed. I remembered. After many attempted distractions from my focus, my parents eventually gave up and allowed me to have them done on my third birthday. They got the family doctor to do it with a needle as I was scared of loud noises so they didn’t want to use a piercing gun. She iced it then pierced one ear. The earring became stuck half way through. I was silent throughout. The doctor said she couldn’t face doing the other. I then cried out loud and said I didn’t want to look like a boy. They ended up piercing the other ear. I remember the tears running down my face but not uttering a sound. Determination and focus – that’s me. Memory two: Being at the kitchen table, it’s winter and the fire is on behind me, I’m colouring in. I’m also crying inconsolably. My mother had finally got me to understand, (through a very detailed biological explanation), that I could not carry a child until I was at least 16 (slight lie on her behalf). I was devastated to have to wait that long.

2. I was a sex worker when I was aged 20-22. That’s what my Nana calls it. Another way of describing it would be to say that I was a Sex Educator for the Family Planning Association. She doesn’t know that on the side I briefly moonlighted as a sales girl for a lesbian sex toys company that used to do ‘Fuck-a-ware’ parties…think Tupperware parties without the Tupperware. (No nude demos but plenty of fully clothed ‘simulations’.)

3. My 86 year old Gran thinks that as a former sex educator, lesbian and sex toys sales girl that I should be her chief advisor on what sex toys she should get as “Don doesn’t satisfy me sexually dear. I would have been a lesbian if I had’ve been born later you know.” She has been known to drive to the local pharmacy on her mobility scooter to try and convince them to sell her viag**a without a prescription. She uses sayings such as ‘Like Mary’s underpants, we’re off.’ I am relatively tame compared to her.

4. My dearly departed dog, an English Bull Terrier, was named Peggy. My Nana’s name is Peggy. The dog was named during the 12 month period that my Nana had disowned me for being gay. (Nana ‘forgave’ me on both counts.)

5. I was engaged to a boy when I was 18. We went out for just over 3 years. It didn’t seem like a big deal at the time as my parents met at 15 & 16, as did my grand parents and my great grand parents. We didn’t set a wedding date as I was concerned that the best time of the year weather-wise (late February), conflicted with the big gay parade and party that I’d taken part in twice already. That turned out to be a clue.

6. The week after I left my fiancee and came out to my friends and family, I underwent psychometric testing for a job as a employment consultant with a recruitment company. After 3 interviews I met with the company (contract) psychologist. To my surprise, she advised me at the end of our meeting that it was not usual protocol for potential employees to meet with her. I had measured off the scale in ‘Competitiveness’ and ‘Positivity’. She was assessing if I was unbalanced or if I’d just make a brilliant salesperson/consultant. I got the job.

7. I have been writing children’s stories. I’m thinking about finding out if they might be good enough to publish. I don’t think they are yet, but I like the idea of it.

8. I am of Maori descent on my mothers side. My tribe used to eat people.

9. I’ve just reread the instructions and realised that I have done this all wrong. I thought I had to post 11 facts (of my choosing), then answer the 11 questions, then post 11 new questions. Sometimes I am a bit bull at a gate. Thank goodness this isn’t an exam as I’d be screwed. I’ve decided since I’ve already written all of this that there is no point deleting it. However I do need to go put the fire on and cook my wife dinner. So I will post this now as is, and continue the actual Liebester Award thing tomorrow.

10. I failed the Liebster Award.

11. Well I may as well do eleven now that I’m here right? I was recently voted onto the local schools governance board. This time last week I was at a national schools governance board members conference (it was awesome!) The gala dinner was themed 1920’s (oh what a surprise). I decided to flag the flapper costume, although I do love me a nice dress, and go for something a bit different to what all the other ladies would wear. So here’s a pic of me as a 1920’s cross-dressing golfer.


Golfer Gal

Golfer Gal