I’ll start with a translation – the title means ‘Cheers Cousin’ in colloquial Maori. Is anyone (who has read the previous post) able to guess what’s happened??
My last post was full of excitement about finding a new potential donor. Here’s what happened in a nutshell:
– The 3 hour meeting we had with him went brilliantly, so much in common, he was really happy to help etc. Perfect.
– We sorted things with the clinic for him to go in for initial analysis, blood tests etc a fortnight later.
– Then he stopped replying to our messages 😦 and finally after another week or so texted (gah) to say that he couldn’t help us out (the day after the 2 year anniversary of losing our first).
– He’d been assaulted back in January and was having ongoing medical issues. He didn’t think it was going to be a problem, but it turned out that due to various reasons – it was.
So we are all still friends, but boy did I hit rock bottom again. I slipped off the knife edge and was fully depressed again. My dear sister-friend who lives in Sydney even spoke to me and Toku about her belief I needed to go on anti-depressants for the first time in my life.
Fast forward to about 3 weeks ago…
Another session of intense talks with the wife, we decided we’d just have to find any donor and if it was someone in Australia or who we’d never even met, well so be it. If you read the previous post you’ll imagine how much that thrilled me, but I did agree with Toku that any baby was better than no baby. So there I was searching NZ & Aus websites looking for anyone that I might be able to be at peace with fathering a child with us. I started reconsidering friends and acquaintances of ours that we’d disregarded for some reason or another.
And then…we started thinking about Toku’s cousin. I’ll have to take some time to come up with an appropriate name for him as I think he may feature rather heavily in this blog going forward. (Update – Now known as Koha.)
We decided to ask him – Toku was sure he’d say no but we actually thought that he might feel a little disappointed if he found out that we’d picked some random off the internet over asking him – even if he didn’t want to help.
So the Tues before last we finally spoke to him at 10.30pm when he retuned our text from a few days earlier. Toku just straight out asked him if he would go away and think about being our donor. He replied that he would. He would BE OUR DONOR. He didn’t need any more time to think about it as he already had!
We drove to the city and met with him on the Thursday ready to lay out our thoughts and concerns in relation to the (now) ex-girlfriend and also his willingness/ability to let us be the parents. He started the conversation telling us that we’d be the parents and he’d just be the uncle type, willing to babysit or be a god-parent but that the baby would be ours. A perfect start to the conversation. It just got better really. Ending with the offer to start ASAP.
So ASAP that he went in and did his s*perm analysis and blood tests this Monday (after meeting with him on Thursday previous!), first donation on Wednesday and he either did his second this morning or will on Monday. The clinic is officially closed from today till mid Jan but the lab said they’d open for him to go in!
His SA came back awesome (150mill) and they’ve said he only needs to make the two donations to have enough for 12-16 IUI’s.
Soooo exciting – it will be quarantined for 3 months and then depending on my cycles I hope we can start IUI in late March or in April.
He’s from the same Caribbean country as my wife, but grew up in London. He’s lived here since the early 1990’s when he came to NZ as a boxer on the English team for the Commonwealth Games and decided to move here.
He has a 14, an 18 and a 20 year old, two girls and a boy. Oh and he’s gorgeous 🙂 Part black and part Carib, so a lot lighter skinned than my wife (known as red-skinned), but he’s blood, which means so very much to me!!
Yay for us having a plan and a timeline and lots and lots of hope.
PS – There’s a picture of him with us at our wedding in the password protected ‘Up Close’ album (found via the Life in Images page).