Well I’ve tried to keep busy this weekend as some big things were happening somewhere in (I assume) Auckland…
This weekend was decision weekend for our donor and today could be Decision-Day!
Our potential donor had rung the clinic last week to say that he and his wife/partner had scheduled time to sit down this weekend and make a decisions about whether or not they were okay with another couple (us) using his s*perm.
The clinic counsellor said that she believed as he goes away to work often, and has recently had a heavier than usual workload, the couple had probably not been able to have the big talk about it that they were likely to want to do. (She said they had been very measured and thoughtful about each step of the process.)
Initially they were just making the decision based on numbers I guess – were they happy for their to possibly be more children of his out there in the world? But as they were taking so long I wondered if a little more information might help.
Now this was a total long shot as the clinic has the rule that the donor gets a non-identifying profile about us if we use his donation, (& I think possibly only when we get pregnant). But I asked the counsellor if she would be allowed to offer this profile to them in order for them to be making a decision about allowing us to have a child with him, as opposed to just a theoretical family.
To my huge surprise she said that she thought it was a good idea and to wait a week and if they had not made a decision then she would let them know that the clinic had the info and could supply it if they wanted it.
So when they said they were making the decision this weekend the counsellor wrote and asked if she had out permission to scan it and email it through. This was yet another breaking of their protocols as they usually make you view the profiles in-house and you can’t take a copy. She said then that as he was working in Australia it was difficult for them to make it in to the clinic for a visit. We gladly agreed.
She told me that she would offer it to them and let me know if it was emailed off. Sure enough on Wednesday afternoon she let me know that she’d got the donor coordinator to email it.
Soooooo I really hope that what we wrote helped them to make a decision in our favour! It was a bit nerve wracking working out what to write as I wanted it to sound good but not be a total sales pitch, to have some seriousness and some humour, to come across as intelligent but not use so many fancy words that it would be uncomfortable if the donor wasn’t super brainy. Plus, I know they have ticked the box saying they are okay for same sex couples to be recipients, but what if the reality of it puts them off?
(Yay for the big Australian study that hit the media last week showing that children in same sex families actually had as good and sometimes better health and mental health outcomes than those in heterosexual families! I hope they saw that!)
So I’ll be checking my email assiduously today (& for the next few days), with my fingers well crossed.
Send us ‘Good fishing’ vibes! (Used in my family rather than Good luck as my dad was a fisherman when I was growing up.)
PS – here’s a few pics from the weekend showing how we kept busy. I made our masks for the local pre-school’s fundraising masquerade ball.