Ahhh – no wonder all of you seemed to be downplaying my concerns – about half of my damn post disappeared yesterday!

Right – so to recap, my beta results came back just lovely. However my thyroid result came back devastatingly high at 12.

A normal level is between 0.30 and 4.0. Ideal during the first trimester is less than 2.5. Delightful wikipedia is telling me that when elevated it can lead to all sorts of issues for both pregnancy and the foetal development  – oh and miscarriage – which of course we know about all to well.

Mine has been fluctuating massively over the last few months. My anti-thyroid antibodies can cause it to move between hyperthyroid to hypothyroid.

It’s gone from:

Feb 2014 – 4.0

Aug 2014 – 1.1 (perfect for conception)

Sep 2014 – 0.3 (borderline)

Sep 2014 – 0.18 (hyperthyroid)

Oct 13th 2014 – 2.4 (normal but heading up too high for 1st trimester)

Oct 31st 2014 – 12 (hypothyroid)

So basically I am terrified that I am at a high risk of miscarrying this baby too. 8 weeks gestation is my bad luck time – when both other babies died, and I am only 1.5 weeks away from that stage.

The clinic nurse really pissed me off on Friday who said that I hadn’t needed to recheck my TSH as it had only been three weeks (I’d checked the TSH box on the blood form myself as I knew this may be my last blood test for a while – and I have also been the one to order each of the other TSH tests – the clinic have been very lackadaisical about it). She hadn’t yet received the result and said she’d ring back if the result was important – which she did do, and had consulted a doctor which was also good. But her advice was to ask my GP for advice. Now my GP has very little knowledge about fertility – that’s one of the reasons I am happy to pay the clinic thousands of dollars! I assume that if my specialist had been there (heas out of the country until today), then he would have given me some better advice than that.

My naturopath has advised me to double my T*hyroxine dose back up 100mg a day (the specialist cut it to 50mg when I got the 0.3 result). But my understanding is that it takes up to 6 weeks for the full effects of a change in thyroid medicine to show up. My baby doesn’t have 6 weeks.

I’ve written to the specialist today with my concerns in anticipation of our meeting tomorrow. Hopefully he will be able to set my mind at rest a little.

Last week was the 3 year anniversary of our first miscarriage – ironically on a the Monday of a holiday weekend that is called Labour Day. We got through the day way better than usual as I am so lucky to be pregnant this time. Fortunately we hadn’t yet had the thyroid results.

This weekend was hard, I’ve been trying to be strong and positive but I had a real melt down with Toku (who is also very worried) on Saturday morning.

I feel like my body has this evil side to it. I’m working so freaking hard with body and mind to do absolutely everything I can to nurture this baby – strict adherence to a healthy diet, no caffeine, warm foods, exercise, meditation & relaxation sessions, acupunctures, 57-zillion (it feels like) supplements a day – all at strictly scheduled times, thinking positively, multiple blood tests etc etc. Yet whilst I am 100% committed to all of that, some nasty evil little part of my body is secretly attacking my baby. Pinching it, kicking and slapping it, and with the potential and inclination to hold a hold a pillow over it’s head and smother it any moment. It’s f*cking horrible.

We are just hoping and praying that this little baby is stronger than the others – let it be a little Maori warrior and survive this rough start to life.