Jun 08 – Met, fell in love and discussed that having babies was non-negotiable for me, happily Toku was agreeable. (I’d had 4 attempts with my previous partner between 2005 – 2007 but lots of ups and downs with her not being sure about TTC.)
Jan 11 – Started looking for a donor in earnest.
Mar 11 – Decided to ask her closest brother if he would help us out, one phone call and he agreed on the spot.
Apr 11 – I start charting temps etc.
Jun 11 – I get checked out at Fertility Associates in anticipation of doing IUI through them, uterus and ovaries look fine. We undergo compulsory couples counselling there and pass with flying colours.
Aug 11 – Manaaki arrives from the Caribbean. 2 days after he arrives I think I may be ovulating. We decide to give it a try at home as we’ll need to wait 3 mths of clinic quarantine before trying there, so we do two inseminations on CD10. This is because he’s due at the clinic to give donations 2 days later and we can only do ours on that one day.
Aug 11 – Manaaki gets results from clinic saying his sperm won’t thaw after freezing and his sperm count is on the low side (but not infertile). After a number of tests (costing around $1000, on top of the $1200 of blood tests we have to pay as he’s not a resident), they decide we could only use fresh sperm so we will have to go it alone doing insems at home.
Aug 11 – The clinic doctor rings to say I may have thyroid issues which could make it hard to conceive and a higher chance of MC. I’m gutted. Cry eyes out. Then get a BFP about 3 days later! Our one day try worked!!
Sep 11 – Experience some brown spotting but midwife says that’s quite normal.
Oct 11 – Suddenly start bleeding bright red blood at 11w, 5 days at midday. Lose the baby spontaneously (and shockingly) at 9am the next morning. It looks to be about 8 wks old only. Have no medical management or assessment as the doctors surgery I ring tell me I’ll be fine!
Nov 11 – Manage to extend Manaaki’s visitor visa to early Jan as he was supposed to leave in mid Nov.
Nov 11 – BFN
Dec 11 – BFN
Jan BFP (3 days after Manaaki leaves NZ)
Feb 12 – We get married, I’m 7 weeks, I have awful morning sickness, I have a little bump, we glow with happiness. Days after wedding I get horrible all day morning sickness and fatigue from 8 weeks, couch ridden for 3 weeks.
Mar 12 – Morning sickness starts to abate. Feeling good. Then on a Friday morning, 11w, 5d I get some spots of red blood (same day as last time). Freak out, have midwife try and listen for heart beat with Doppler, she can’t hear it but that’s not unheard of. Suggests we go to A&E for a scan just to feel better. Go to hospital, no more blood for about 3 hours, 2 doctors examine my cervix and say it’s competent and closed, must just be a small external bleed. Do I still want the scan? We toss it up, decide to do it just to see the baby and set our minds at rest. Have scan. Ultrasound technician quietly says “I’m so sorry but your baby died at 8weeks.”
Mar 12 – I get herbal mixtures to bring on the MC and have some painful acupuncture sessions to help it along. 4 days later I lose the baby after a few hours of painful contractions. We bury it alongside our first one on my family’s land and plant a tree.
Mar 12 – A visit to the Early Pregnancy Loss clinic confirms I have ‘successfully’ miscarried everything. A b*#>h of a specialist says, in answer to my request for further investigation: “Come back when you’ve had your third miscarriage and we’ll look into it then.”
May 12 – Within the course of a week we grieve the due date of our first baby and experience the arrival of my brothers first child, now the first grandchild (see some pretty painful poems from this time here). I also turn 35 – very hard as I had been desperately wanting a child for over 5 years now.
May 12 – After the shitty response from the EPL clinic and a useless one from my former GP (doctor), we start researching ourselves and work out it may be my thyroid. So we consult a natural fertility expert who successfully, through blood tests, establishes that as well as a fluctuating thyroid, I also have insanely elevated levels of anti-thyroid antibodies which directly influence MC. They should be less than 59 and I have one measuring ‘more than 500’ and one at ‘more than 1200’. So we start a 6 mth programme of dietary restrictions, detox, supplements and acupuncture. It had a marked result and they lower by more than half each, which my (new) GP is astounded by – as there isn’t a ‘cure’ for it. I continue on the treatment programme till May 13 and add in hypnotherapy and cranial osteopathy and daily meditation. I’ve also temped daily and charted since Apr 11. I’m very depressed and grieving for my babies.
Oct 12 – I try a treatment to help further suppress the antibodies called uterine bathing.
Oct 12 – Manaaki arrives back and we try again. BFN
Nov 12 – BFN
Dec 12 – BFN
Jan 13 – BFN
Feb 13 – BFN
Mar 13 – BFN
Apr 13 – BFN
Apr 13 – Manaaki has to return home to the Caribbean and leaves the day we get our last BFN. I have a period of deep depression about this journey.
Oct 13 – After much soul searching & heartache and worry that I’m not getting any younger, we decide to try and find another donor. We ask a Jamaican friend and he says yes. We meet and discuss and all goes very well. I coordinate appointments & then he has to pull out (due to medical issues) the week he was going to donate. I become very depressed again.
Dec 13 – We decide to ask Toku’s cousin. He agrees! We ask on a Tue, meet to discuss on a Thu, on Mon he starts his first tests and donations. The following Mon he completes his last of 3 donations. He wants this to happen as quickly as possible for us.
Jan 14 – Clinic reopens and we commence the mandatory counseling appointments and general health checks.
Mar 14 – Quarantine period will be up & we can start IUI in April (probably the week before my 37th birthday).
Apr 14 – Due to start IUI around the 9-11 April. Donor changes his mind 4 April. See post.
Apr 14 – The guy mentioned in Oct 13 (aka MaWhero) agrees to be our donor again – S*erm Analysis tests & counselling initial appointment completed. Analysis came back low at 21 million so we sent him to our naturopath, got him supplements & diet advice and waited 8 weeks to retest.
Jun 14 – MaWhero retests – result 172 million…however 2 days later he withdraws his services – by text! See post.
Jun 14 – Clinic has given us details of a possible Maori donor, waiting to see if it’s a go…
Aug 14 – Well it took an entire month of waiting – unusual but just our luck – but wonderfully Hohepa and his partner came back with a YES! So we’ve signed the consents and are ready to start!
11 Aug 14 – CD 1, so IUI day is likely to be the 24th August. Un-medicated cycle.
Aug/Sep 14 – IUI on the 26th Aug, faint BFP on 13dpIUI and again on 14dpIUI, but the beta came back at 20, tested again 2 days late and it had dropped to 8, so we were out – officially a Chemical Pregnancy.
Sep / Oct 14 – IUI on the 28th Sep, BFP at 13dpIUI & 14dpIUI & 15dpIUI (lol) and beta test on the 13th Oct with HCG at 248 (15dpIUI). Holy moly – we are finally PREGNANT again!